Mother Wheel Bloggers at Daughters of Mormonism

A few months ago, three of our Mother Wheel bloggers participated in an episode on Daughters of Mormonism discussing the symbols of the LDS temple garments. Through our journeys on the Mormon Pagan path (or Morgan if you will), we have felt led to finding meaning in places where we did not think to find it. It started with trying to find Mother in Heaven in the temple. We actually first found her in the garment, which them prompted the episode as we further expound on what other meaning can be found there and how Morgan thought can come alive there.

Jenni, Descent and Dryad are joined by sister Morgan blogger Like Unto Eve. They describe a ritual that helps wearers of the garment connect to its symbols and meaning outside the temple as well as an alternative interpretation to the meanings of the symbols. The quarternity is described and then speculation abounds.

It was actually from this episode that Mormon Moon Circle was conceived. The facebook group Wildly Speculative Feminist Mormon Theology was also conceived at that time. In addition to the garment ritual designed by Mother Wheel bloggers that is shared in the episode, Jenni shares a menstruation ritual in the comments.

You can also find Descent's and Jenni's panelist interviews along with descriptions of their Morgan Pagan paths in their episodes:

Jenni's episode: "Not in Conflict"

Descent's episode: Connected to this Life Part 1 and Part 2

Jenni was also featured as a panelist on the following episodes:
Finding Her Everywhere: Symbols of the Divine Feminine
Good Girl Syndrome Part 1 and Part 2
Garments- To Cover Our Nakedness

Descent was also featured in the following episodes:
 "Be Yourself (within certain parameters)" — Depression & Mormon Women Part I
"Walking the Labyrinth" — Depression & Mormon Women Part II
"Elementally You" — Depression & Mormon Women Part III

For another DoM episode with a decidedly Mormon Pagan bent, listen to:
Eve as a Balance of Christ

Daughters of Mormonism has stopped recording new episodes but the world of Mormon women's podcasts is just beginning and Mother Wheel will have more information to share as new podcasts are developed.

One Eternal Round

"In our worship there are two elements: 

one is the spiritual communion arising from our own meditation; 

the other, instruction from others . . . 

of the two, the more profitable . . . is the meditation. 

Meditation is one of the most secret, 

most sacred 

doors through which we pass into the presence of the Lord." 

~President David O McKay

Last Friday night, I sat in a darkened room, listening to "Holy Now" on repeat, and visualized a ball of light within myself. I watched and felt that light extend through my root chakra and into the earth, and through my crown chakra and into the sky. I drew in energy from my Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother, and extended out metaphysical arms of that energy and light to connect with other women, forming a circle of "holding hands" even though we were in 4 separate states. We then prayed for each other, sharing our words via skype (because we are so far apart). Then we sent our prayers and energies out into the world, to all nations, kindreds, tongues, and peoples, asking for blessings of peace and healing, and pledging to do our part to enact those things within our spheres of influence.
That prayer circle was intensely spiritual. And I never would have thought to participate in such a thing if I had not opened the door to integrate paganism and eastern spirituality with my faith practice.

~

When I was a teenager, we had an exchange student from central america come to stay with our family for three months. She was Catholic, and we took her to mass each week. I remember sitting in those services and thinking "this is really different from my church, but it's beautiful." I loved the beauty, I loved the ritual. I discussed it with my parents once, how I wished that we had more ritual in our church. They smiled and said that when I went through the temple I would get to participate in more ritual. So I looked forward to that day.
When that day came, they were right, some parts had ritual that I found exquisite and meaningful...but some parts really did not. I was more than a little disappointed. I still craved ritual as an enactment of meaningful spirituality.

~

When I was in college, as part of my research for my role in Macbeth, I learned about modern Wicca, and was fascinated. The intentionality, formality, and simplicity of their ritual style, calling upon elements and communing with nature, appealed to me.
A little over a year ago, I adopted a more intentional, more mindful, more open integrated mormon-pagan path. About six months ago, I joined a coven with three other women. These women are my sisters, my coven, my fellow "morgans" (mormon-pagans). I meet with my coven each week for a group chat on skype (we often talk more than once a week, but our scheduled chat is important and we all make efforts to make sure we are always there). We are all active, caring, involved mormons. We are all also finding things from outside the mainstream church very helpful to us in our spiritual journey.

~

Samhain (Oct 31-Nov 1) is the pagan new year, a time of endings and new beginnings (which is why they believed that the veil between life and death was thin, and thus spirits of the dead could walk among us). Last Samhain, in the spirit of new beginnings, I changed the "religion" entry on my facebook profile. Now it says

Universalist Mormon Pagan

Embracing truth wherever it is found. 

Seeking the wisdom of my Mother, Father, Savior, and Spirit. 

Observing seasons, esbats, and Sabbats. 

Rejoicing in the restored gospel. 

Keeping my temple recommend. 

Feeling fulfilled.

I made this change in solidarity with the others in my coven. I don't know whether anyone actually looks at what it says in a person's facebook profile, but there was something about the act of putting it out there into public space that felt good. As Jena explained,

When it comes down to it, Paganism has made me a better Mormon. Lighting a candle while I pray makes me feel more focused and keeps my mind from wandering so much. Adding ritual elements to my day-to-day makes me feel more connected with God. Is it "critical to my salvation"? No, but I don't think it hurts, and it makes my faith rituals feel more intentional. I miss that in mainstream Mormonism. I feel like we've had some of the beauty scrubbed out of our general practice. Incense and oil were burnt in the ancient temples of Israel to purify and sanctify the space and to lift prayers to Heaven...[but] we've become so much about practicality and uniformity in modern times. Things like beauty in architecture and adornment, scent, sound... we rarely use more of our physical senses than sight and hearing in our services and rituals, and I think that makes our correlated practices... sterile. Homogenized. Pasteurized. Devitalized. Boring. Uninspiring.

For me, bringing in these new elements has given my faith vitality again in a time when I desperately need it. It makes it easier for me to feel like I'm in touch with Divine power, like I can receive revelation and inspiration, be guided and protected. I feel a little bit more spiritually alive, and I crave that. I have always craved it.

"The spirit is a present-moment reality. Meditating, pondering, and contemplating are powerful spiritual disciplines. They take us to the present, where the spirit is experienced directly--to the only state in which we can commune with the Infinite."

This board is filled with things that I 
find magickal, or spiritually inspiring

from Mormon Mantras: A Journey of Spiritual Transformation by Philip McLemore (He also did a podcast which you can get here)

In the pagan worldview, everything is interconnected, and everything is blessed. In other words, we are all part of one eternal round, and everything is holy. I find that when I believe that I will find this holiness, this magick, then I do find it. When I believe in it, I am able to experience it.

Interconnectedness & Blessedness
Everything is Holy Now:
Elements, Celestial Bodies,
Wonders of the Natural World
Seasons, Cycles, & the Wheel of the Year

Perhaps it's because I'm aware of what is around me, and perhaps I actually attract it. I don't know. What I do know is that I'm taking my spirituality into my own hands, and the result is magickal ♥

Heavenly Mother in Young Women's: What you hadn't noticed about the personal progress program

The LDS young women's organization (for girls aged 12-18) has something called Personal Progress, which is a program in which the girls complete a series of experiences (small) and projects (larger) designed to help them increase their faith and skills. The experiences and projects are in 'values' (categories) such as faith, individual worth, good works, and integrity. The booklet has a list of suggestions, but girls can also design their own experiences. When a girl has completed the designated things, she is awarded a medallion.

When I was a young woman, there were 42 experiences and 4 big projects (20-30 hours each), and it had to be completed over the course of all six years, because the girl could not start on the next portion until her next birthday. At the end of every two years, if a girl had completed everything for those years she could earn one of the class medallions. If she completed everything, she could earn this "Young Womanhood" medallion --->
A pretty lady standing by some flowers. (Here I could make all sorts of comments about symbolism of juxtaposing a girl with flowers, or the apparent focus on the outward appearance of the girl depicted...but I don't really want to. I will just note that this is the old medallion, the one I got, but which very few of my peers did.)

A few years ago they revamped the program, and now there are 48 experiences and 8 (10 hr) projects--6 experiences and 1 project in each of the 8 value areas. They also took out the timetable, so girls are able to work through all of the goals at their own pace, no waiting for birthdays (and losing momentum). They have done away with the intermediate medallions, and changed the final medallion (more on that in a moment!) and they have now added honor bees.

An honor bee is a charm which the girl can earn after she has earned her medallion. She can actually earn as many as three bees, and does so by doing more goals, or helping other girls complete their experiences and projects.
It's a lovely idea, the extra charms for going the extra mile, but what I particularly noticed was that it's a BEE. You know, a symbol of Mother Goddess.


Better still is the new medallion. It is a combination of several symbols: the temple, the beehive, the laurel wreath, the rose, and the ruby. Young women are divided into three classes: Beehives (12-13), Mia Maids (14-15) and Laurels (16-17). Bees and beehives are a symbol often found in the church as a symbol of industry. The symbol for Mia Maids is a rose (something about purity or beauty I suspect, though I'm not certain). Laurels are named for laurel wreaths, as the ancient greeks used to crown champions. The temple is where a young woman wants to go, and a ruby reminds her of Proverbs 31, which says that a virtuous woman's worth is far above rubies.

This medallion is also available in the girl's choice of gold or silver, which is just nice, because some of us prefer silver (also, aside from my personal preference, silver carries female energy while gold carries male, so silver is more appropriate than gold anyway).

However
The temple is a symbol of Heavenly Mother.
So is the bee.
So is the ruby.
And trees (like laurels) and flowers (like roses) are often seen as symbols of the Divine Feminine as well.
In other words, this new medallion positively GLOWS with Heavenly Mother. It is FULL of Her. She is everywhere. When these girls earn and wear this medallion, it is not just a symbol that they have completed a set of projects (though that is notable): it is a symbol of their potential to become like their Heavenly Mother. To become goddesses like She is.

Now we just need to teach the girls what it is that they are wearing.

The Divine Feminine and the Ruby

My birthday is in July, so my birthstone is the ruby. It's a pretty gem, intense and dark, and very expensive (more expensive than diamonds actually, last I heard). It is a very sturdy stone, second hardest on the rating scale after diamonds.
And it's red. My favorite color is pink. I almost never wear red. So I never really wanted anything with my birthstone on it...
And then I learned that the ruby and the sapphire are actually the same stone on a molecular level, they just come out in different colors. Actually they come in a wide variety of colors, but for some reasons the red (or sometimes pinkish) ones get called "rubies" and all the other colors are called "sapphires"...the blue ones are plain "sapphires" and the others are "green sapphires" or "orange sapphires" and so on.

these colors are all sapphires/rubies

This year I was reading about the properties of various gemstones. I have never really believed that a rock could have power, but the more I learn about the universe, the more I believe that the whole energy field notion actually has some merit. And so I decided to read up on the ruby, and see if I could make friends with it.
I found some interesting things.
The ruby

• brings integrity, devotion and happiness 
• brings and increases love
• very protective of home and children
• is a stone of high energy and power that promotes healing on all levels [link]
• is a stone of nobility 
• brings love, confidence, loyalty, and courage
• instills stamina, vitality and strength
• re-energizes one after exhaustion 
• helps to reduce negative thought patterns
• is a good stone of protection. 
• helps you feel more like giving to others and doing so with love and joy in your heart. There is no room for resentment in ones heart who is being of service to others and this stone does not allow that to be a part of your heart. it helps you relax as you caretake others because you can trust you will not be trapped in any way in that role. It helps all to be warm, caring and help out with the needs of others. it also helps one with devotion to others. [link]
• considered to be the most powerful gem in the universe
• the symbol of vitality and royalty
• contentment and peace [link]

I most frequently found the ruby associated with motherhood, home, service and healing. For these and other reasons, I and others have come to feel that the ruby's energy field is a reflection of mother, or, more accurately, of Mother.
I thought also of the fact that ruby is also the most expensive gemstone--more than diamonds--which puts me in mind of Proverbs where it asks "who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is above rubies." I have thought much on that, and about the idea that equating virtuous women (us) with rubies is actually equating us to Heavenly Mother and our potential to be like her.
Making this connection has been powerful for me, because of the ruby being MY birthstone, I now feel an additional connection to the Divine Feminine that I hadn't before. Not just a connection in terms of being more interested in Her, but a connection in terms of seeing Her in myself.

star ruby

You know something else interesting? The ruby (aka sapphire) is the only stone which may have a star in it. I haven't reached any conclusions about deep meanings in that, except I bet that there is one. (What do you think?)


Depending upon which type of gold you have the ring set in, (yellows or silvers) the ruby would bring with it these healing properties as well. The yellows carry the energy of the Sun or a masculine energy, while the silvers carry the energy of the Moon or a feminine energy. [link] Ruby rings should be worn on the left hand so as to receive the life force and have protection. [link]
It seems that I should be in the market for a left-hand, silver-set ruby ring. Don't you think?

Everything is Holy Now

I heard this song recently, and it has struck a resonating chord with me.



(and if you are the sort who doesn't want to watch a 5 minute video, in spite of the powerful message that I promise is in it, the lyrics are the italicized parts throughout this post.)

Of course I have always known that sacredness, and communion with the Divine can be found in nature; that was one of the things that drew me to paganism. Prophets throughout the ages have gone into the wilderness, upon the mountaintops, or into the forests to talk with God. Obviously assorted locations and objects have been deemed holy or sacred by various religions over the centuries too.

When I was a boy, each week

On Sunday, we would go to church
And pay attention to the priest
He would read the holy word
And consecrate the holy bread
And everyone would kneel and bow
Today the only difference is
Everything is holy now
Everything, everything
Everything is holy now

I asked my 11 year old son how much of the world he thought was holy. He thought about it for a few minutes, and said "well, there are a lot of shrines in Japan and stuff, so maybe 0.05%"
I told him about how trees are an ancient symbol of the Feminine Divine. He thought for another minute, and then said "so maybe 10-15%, because they have cut down a lot of trees, plus there are deserts and stuff."
I asked him if he thought God could be in the ocean. If he thought God could be in the mountains. If he thought God could be in the wind.
"Oooh," he said "holiness can be everywhere huh."

When I was in Sunday school
We would learn about the time
Moses split the sea in two
Jesus made the water wine
And I remember feeling sad
That miracles don’t happen still
But now I can’t keep track
‘Cause everything’s a miracle
Everything, Everything
Everything’s a miracle

Indeed, I believe so.

Wine from water is not so small
But an even better magic trick
Is that anything is here at all
So the challenging thing becomes
Not to look for miracles
But finding where there isn’t one

My son  has been studying biology this year in school. He loves to chatter on to me about mitosis and photosynthesis and the other things he is learning about. I have always found these things impressive, but when they are presented in a textbook they seem mundane...just another vocabulary word to learn for the test. But take a step back and think about what they really are. Indeed, they are miracles.

When holy water was rare at best
It barely wet my fingertips
But now I have to hold my breath
Like I’m swimming in a sea of it
It used to be a world half there
Heaven’s second rate hand-me-down
But I walk it with a reverent air
‘Cause everything is holy now
Everything, everything
Everything is holy now

It is not just that we can sense the holiness of Deity when we see that glorious sunset. The sunset itself can be holy. It is not just that we can feel a closeness to Deity when we sit in the forest, listening to the birds and streams and smelling the dirt and pine needles. The birds and water and dirt and pine needles themselves are holy. It is not just feeling a closeness to heaven when we look at a new baby, but the baby himself is holy. In fact it is not just nature and babies and "good people," but we are all holy. We all have a godseed in us, the potential to become like our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother. For small times (or lifetimes) we may not live up to that potential, we may not let that holy spark shine, or we may not know how to let it shine (some of us may not even realize that it is there), but that does not change the fact that it is there.
The sunset is holy.
The sea is holy.
The trees are holy.
The animals are holy.
Our children are holy.
We are holy.

Everything is holy now

Read a questioning child’s face
And say it’s not a testament
That’d be very hard to say
See another new morning come
And say it’s not a sacrament
I tell you that it can’t be done

Obviously this is probably a bit of a paradigm shift for you, it was for me. But to perceive everything as inherently holy, everything as inherently a miracle, that adds a whole new richness to my life and to my spirituality. When holiness and sacredness were things that had to be found, or sought, they seemed "too special," like the china that my Mother in law keeps in the cupboard 363 days a year, and only gets out for Christmas and Easter. But when sacredness surrounds me every day, it does not cheapen the holy, rather it raises my everyday to a higher plane.

This morning, outside I stood
And saw a little red-winged bird
Shining like a burning bush
Singing like a scripture verse
It made me want to bow my head
I remember when church let out
How things have changed since then
Everything is holy now
It used to be a world half-there
Heaven’s second rate hand-me-down
But I walk it with a reverent air
‘Cause everything is holy now

Our Samhain

One of the things I love about living in Alaska is the wild meat we're able to hunt and butcher ourselves. It was actually on Mabon that we got a call from a neighbor who had some caribou they had shot but could not fit it all in their freezer, and they asked if we wanted some. So we spent our Mabon evening butchering and freezing caribou.
Since Samhain is a time of giving thanks for the harvest of meat (and showing gratitude for the animals' gift of their lives for our sustenance), I thought it was appropriate to eat some of our caribou tonight.
We had actually had a caribou roast just a few days ago, so instead of cooking another one, I chopped up the leftover meat, added in carrots, potatoes, broccoli, and peas, and poured over the leftover gravy to make a savory caribou pie.

Samhain is also a time to ponder on death, and to remember our loved ones or others who have died. I had planned to make "dead bread" but we had a last minute shuffle (something came up and with very little notice we ended up celebrating a night earlier than planned), so that fell through and it was just the pie.

The boys drawing their pictures
you can see our element candles and the remainder of the caribou pie...

However, we did do something to remember our departed loved ones, and that was to write messages or draw pictures for them, and put them in the fire so that the smoke could carry our love and thoughts to them. My husband wrote to his granddad who passed away this last year. I wrote to my babies who died before I was ever able to meet them. My sons all drew pictures.

Light in the Sky

Thank you my little one.

I know you did not want to be awake any more than I did last night, but I also know that the time has come for you to nightwean and learn to sleep through the night, and so I was holding and rocking you as you cried, rather than just nursing you back to sleep.

And because we were awake, and because we were in the living room (due to your crying, and my desire to let everyone else sleep), I saw light outside in the sky.

And because I saw light, and because I knew what it was, I put on our coats and hats and bundled you inside my coat and took you outside.

And we walked over by the water, where we could feel the wind and smell the saltwater and hear the rolling surf and be out of the yellow glow of the streetlights.

And we looked up, in the glorious darkness of this week's new moon, and we watched the greens edged with purples of the northern lights as they danced in the sky.

photo from here, no I didn't take it, but it was taken here in Kotzebue and it is what they looked like last night

As I walked home, I fell to wondering:

If the Sun shows us Father God and the Moon shows us Mother Goddess, what is the Aurora? Is it the Spirit? Everywhere and moving and bright to see if only we can free ourselves of the little earthbound lights all about us?

And I also remembered that in one of my college literature classes we read an (otherwise horrible) book where one of the characters said that an orgasm was like a rainbow all over inside of her. As I was watching the lights move and change I was thinking how they were very sensual, and that maybe they're like a cosmic orgasm, a visual representation of the hieros gamos, you know? God and Goddess joining to create balance in the universe and make lights fill the sky!

I don't know which interpretation of the aurora I like better. Perhaps I will hold on to both. I do know that when I see them I feel a sense of awe and wonder that assures me that there is something Divine out there, and that we can touch it.

Our Mabon

Life has been busy and I did not do anything very fancy for this feast, but I did cook up a sausage squash special with these cute little squashes from our CSA box. (It's just what it sounds like, sausage, squash, and cheese smooshed together with a little egg to hold it together and baked for a while.)
And I made an apple pie.
Apples + squash = good harvest food, right?

Mabon is a time of giving thanks for the harvest, and for all our blessings. I had grand intentions of doing something with writing things we were grateful for, and maybe putting them in the fire to carry our gratitude heavenward in the smoke...
But then we got a phone call from some neighbors who had extra caribou and asked if we wanted some. We said sure. So they brought it over (and the rest of our plans got put aside for processing the meat).

It was about 4 whole caribou (that piece of cardboard the quarters are laying on is about the size of a door...)

We butchered about 2 1/2 of them and passed the rest along to someone else. ☺

My husband and the neighbor working away

Hubby and a different neighbor who also came to help...
yes of course we shared with them

Clarity Moon

I have not written at the new moon for several lunations now. This is more or less because I have not been doing anything to mark them. Life has gotten busy as we prepare to move for a new job. This month, however, Dryad and I are observing this time together. She may share her thoughts separately, but here are mine...

The first Sunday of the month is "Fast Sunday" for LDS members. We traditionally abstain wholly from two meals. There are multiple purposes for this--first, the money saved can be donated to the needy; second, denying oneself in this manner is an exercise in self-control, of spirit over body. This spiritual 'tuning-in' can help us focus our prayers for greater efficacy as well.

During pregnancy and breastfeeding, my body needs the nutrition of not skipping meals. So I have not fasted regularly in years. Although it has been months since my baby started eating enough solid food that I could skip a meal or two, I am simply out of the habit, and usually forget about fasting.

This month, the new moon was on Friday, and I began my fast on Saturday night. For 24 hours I am not eating (I am drinking water for the sake of avoiding dehydration, but only water). In January (right after winter solstice), during my Purification Moon, I cleansed my body by abstaining from sugar for several days. Now, six months later (right after summer solstice) seems a good time to cleanse my spirit. So as I fast, I am praying for spiritual clarity. As we all do from time to time, I have been struggling with some matters of faith in the last few months. So today I put my body under subjection to my spirit, and ask the Divine to help me see things more clearly.

Our Beltane

Our Feast

I made fruit braids, since one of the traditional foods is a fertility bread with spices or sweetmeats (fruit and nuts) inside. I had meant to just make one loaf, but, shall we say, errors were made! So I ended up making a huge batch with three loaves. One had my (homemade) apricot marmalade, and it was too runny and as you can see the braid opened up in the oven. The second one had a cranberry filling, and the third was chopped almonds with butter and cinnamon.

The Feast Table

Bottom center are the fruit braid slices, to the right are the oatcakes, and in the center is a fruit plate. Barely visible in the bowl at the top left is cottage cheese with tomatoes and chives in it--that was our 'dairy' and also 'fresh herbs' from the official holiday foods list. On the other side of the fruit plate is fried zucchini and steamed artichokes (which aren't traditional, but they sounded good). In the crockpot was beef chuck, which also just sounded good to us.
My 4 year old wound ribbons around our candle wreath, and we got some potted flowers but had to take them off the table for dinner because there wasn't room.

The Blutkake "bluht-ka-ka" (Norwegian for "moist cake")

It is a dense cake, sliced into at least three layers with sweetened whipped cream and fruit between each one. The bottom layer also has fruit syrup poured in it to make it extra moist.

I had a ribbon wreath in my hair all day, and also I wore green with a floral skirt

The Battle between Winter and Summer

The "Winter" team, with snowflakes taped to them

The "Summer" team, with flowers taped to them

A moment from the battle...
(we make swords with foam swim noodles, they're great for having all out battles without hurting anyone!)

Some thoughts on the Three Fertility Festivals

Imbolc, Ostara, and Beltane are all fertility festivals. I've been thinking for the last few days about whether this is redundant, but I have concluded that it is not. Obviously sex is significant (and should be!), so it seems to warrant multiple celebrations in the year. But I think that these three sabbats honor different aspects of sexuality. To explain what I mean by that, I'll go back and briefly review some of the mythology of the God and Goddess in the wheel of the year.

At Imbolc is the wedding between the God and Goddess, and of course it includes the consummation of that marriage. On Ostara their union results in conception (of the Son God, who will be born at Yule, after the Father God dies at Samhain...of course that Son will then become the Father at the following Imbolc when he marries the Goddess...).

So here is what I see as the differences between the three sexual celebrations:

• Imbolc is a celebration of marriage, of consummation, and of the sacred, vow-renewing, side of sex.
• Ostara is a celebration of procreation, of conception, of birth; another awesome side of sexuality, yet also not all it can be.
• And what is left for Beltane? Sex just for the fun of it! Because the pleasures of sexuality are also important. 

What do you think?

For All Eternity ~ An Anniversary Ritual

Wedding anniversaries are a great time to do a little ritual of your own. I searched the internet for 'vow renewal' and 'handfasting' to come up with ideas for the ritual we did at our last anniversary.

First I spent some time writing a sort of vow renewal. I knew there would not be an officiator, and in my case I was doing it as a surprise for my husband, so I knew he would not have anything to read back to me, so I didn't worry about it being a bit on the long side (it was almost a full page).

I gathered a bunch of tealights, and one larger candle, and arranged them in a spiral on our table. The spiral is a symbol for "eternity" and since we have a temple sealing, we are married for eternity and I wanted a symbol of that. I laid them out on a ribbon because without the ribbon it just looked like a bunch of candles, the spiral wasn't clear. (The ribbon and central candle were different shades of blue, which was what we'd had for our wedding colors.)

Then, after the kids were in bed, I turned out all the lights, lit the candles, and brought my husband into the room. We held hands and I read him the things I had written.
Here is an excerpt:

And so, seven years later, I still give myself to you, to be your faithful partner, constant friend, devoted lover, and imperfect housekeeper for time and all eternity. With the knowledge that there is opposition in all things, I still commit to walk together with you on the path toward eternity, whether in the valleys or on the mountain tops or on the monotonous switchbacks in between. I promise to follow the Lord by your side, as priest and priestess, supporting one another on our way to become the god and goddess we have the potential to become.
And when the road is long, or the journey hard, I still covenant to stand with you against the whirlwind. For all eternity.

Source ideas for what to write/read:

• search the internet for "personalized wedding vows" or "vow renewal"
• lyrics of romantic songs (especially if you have a song that is special to you as a couple)
• consider metaphors for married life: such as harmony, a growing plant, or riding together in a car (can you think of others? please comment!)

 A few other ideas:

• Share some ritual food or drink, perhaps foods that you had at your wedding, or maybe feeding each other.
• Have yourself some Hieros Gamos!

Hieros Gamos ~ The Great Rite

Ancient traditions taught the idea of the hieros gamos, the "great marriage" or sacred sexual union between the God and Goddess. Sometimes it was literally enacted between the high priest and priestess, or between a priestess and the king, or some other pairing of that sort. At other times it was (or is) done more symbolically, by placing a dagger into a chalice, or winding ribbons on a may pole. In all cases it was symbolic of the union of Deity.

Why was this union such a big deal? Because it made balance between the forces of the universe: male and female, material and spirit, light and dark, stillness and motion... It joined opposites into a whole that was greater than the parts, and found resolution in the dichotomies of existence.  It re-calibrated nature so to speak. This union and balance were represented with symbols as well as actions. One that might be familiar is this one from the Middle East (one that most of us now recognize as the "Star of David"). 

Another translation of hieros gamos is "temple marriage." That certainly caught my eye from an LDS perspective since we teach that a temple marriage (or temple sealing) is the only kind that will last past death and for all eternity. Indeed, this hieros gamos is supremely important and sacred.
Take that in conjunction with the belief that we all have the potential to become gods/goddesses (some say we have a "godseed" in us), then when we practice hieros gamos we are indeed participating in the joining of deities.

Here is where I integrate this old idea with my modern life:
try looking at sex as a sacred ritual (for those who are not married of course you'll have to stick with just thinking about it, but for those who are married, try to take this perspective to bed with you next time and see how it goes!)
As Scott Cunningham said in his book, ancient shamans found spirituality and power "...through ecstasy--alternate states of consciousness in which they communed with the forces of the universe."  From this perspective, sexual experiences, in particular intercourse and orgasm, can be deeply spiritual.

Here are a few practical ideas for integration:

• Think about things like what I mentioned above (both in and out of the bedroom): the unified whole being greater than the parts, the physical unification being a symbol for spiritual and other unity in your marriage, etc. Discuss these ideas with your spouse.
• Lighting candles. We have a few fancy ones, but mostly we have cheap tealights and they work just as well. The ambiance of candlelight is not only romantic, but many religious ceremonies utilize candles, and the light/fire of a candle has many spiritual connotations.
• Try a bath (you can add candles there too!) Ritual washings are part of many religious observances, so try washing each other before proceeding to other activities.
• Massage one another with oil (or lotion). Anointing with oils and formalized touching are found in many spiritual practices. Take the opportunity to use repetitive motions and physical touch to arouse and relax your spirits as well as your bodies.
• Choose 'ritual' words, whether terms of endearment or phrases of desire, a few well-chosen words repeated each time (or within one time!) can add to the experience.
• Anything which shuts out the world can be a way to tune into the spiritual. So, in intimate times, shut out the world, and tune into your own spirit, your spouse's spirit, and the Spirit that is over your marriage.
• If consummation is the 'magic moment' (after which you are 'married' and would have to seek a 'divorce' rather than an 'annulment'), then every time you re-consummate your marriage it could be considered a way of renewing your vows. Think about that!

Wicca: A guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham

Scott Cunningham has written several books about Wicca, ranging from herb guides to books about divination or ritual, and probably the most popular, Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner which is a little bit introduction to what Wicca is, and mostly a guide for how to practice Wicca if you don't have anyone around to teach you in person.

Obviously we here at Mother Wheel are not practicing Wicca, but Wiccan guidebooks are helpful because their belief and worship system is quite similar to ours, centered primarily in belief in the God and Goddess (whom we know as Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother), and observations of the Wheel of the Year and Lunar Esbats. Furthermore, as Cunningham says, there is no right or wrong way for a wiccan to worship or celebrate; each practitioner should consider what is meaningful to them and then develop their own rituals and traditions. Because of this, the book is most definitely a guide (to creating your own worship and ritual), but not so much a "here's what to do" book. In that, I feel it was a great resource for an LDS observer of the Wheel of the Year, Lunar cycles, and/or the Divine Feminine.

Cunningham does give many suggestions about how to develop rituals and deepen personal interpretations of spirituality. He writes at length about various symbols and tools which are commonly used for rituals; but also continually reminds the reader that is an open spiritual path in which there is no 'right way' to do things, but simply just the way that feel best to the practitioner. The book also includes his personal "Book of Shadows" (which is the title for any wiccan collection of rituals and spells), so there are many ideas to help a beginner with developing their own things.

One part of the book that particularly stuck out to me was in the beginning, where he talked about his experiences with shamans from various parts of the world. He explains that shamans found spirituality and power "...through ecstasy--alternate states of consciousness in which they communed with the forces of the universe. Early shamans first attained this state through the use of such 'tools' as fasts, thirsts, self-infliction of pain, ingestion of hallucinogenic substances, concentration, and so on....
"Today, Wicca has dropped the ordeals of pain and the use of hallucinogens in favor of chanting, meditation, concentration, visualization, music, dance, invocation, and ritual drama. With these spiritual tools, the Wicca achieve a state of ritual consciousness similar to those attained by the most brutal shamanic ordeals. 
"I deliberately used the term 'alternate states of consciousness.' Such changed consciousness states aren't unnatural, but are a deviation from the 'normal' waking consciousness. Wicca teaches that nature includes a broad spectrum of mental and spiritual states of which most of us are ignorant. Effective ritual enables us to slip into such states, allowing communication and communion with the Goddess and God."
I really liked that explanation of the purpose of ritual--to bring us out of our mundane 'normal' mind and into a state of heightened awareness of and 'communication and communion with' our Heavenly Parents. I also appreciated the point that there are many ways to reach that state of awareness, and that the key is not to do a certain thing (such as a specific ritual) so much as it is to do whatever thing it is that brings me, personally, to the relevant mental state.

Ostara in Alaska

The supermoon from my porch

 

The family went down to the beach for a while to enjoy the mountains, sunshine, ocean waves, and wind

 Our Ostara Feast

A salad with spring greens and eggs

steamed carrots, chicken gravy, and vaguely egg-shaped rolls (an egg bread, but in rolls rather than a big loaf)

roast chicken, the salad (and potatoes to go with the gravy)

Separating Easter from Ostara

(cross-posted from my blog)

Most kids I know think of Easter as a day of chocolate bunnies and boiled eggs. Many of them get dragged along to church, and a number of them even know the story of Jesus being resurrected. But when push comes to shove, I'm pretty sure that if you ask a kid about Easter, they're gonna go back to eggs and bunnies.

My parents wanted to separate Jesus from the candy, so on Easter Sunday we went to church, told the resurrection story, and had no candy whatsoever. The next day, we would hunt for eggs and baskets for our Family Night. I remember at one point when I was 10 or 11 I complained that all our friends got candy a whole day before we did. My mother calmly pointed out that if she waited and bought the candy on monday, it was all half price, and she would be able to get us twice as much. I was sold! I actually went on to tell friends about it for several years--how no, we hadn't gotten our baskets that morning before church, we would have to wait for Monday, but it was ok because we would get extra candy that way. Clearly I thought along the same lines as most other kids in terms of where my focus was.

So I was already accustomed to separating celebrations of the Resurrection from celebrations of springtime, but it still felt a little sloppy... By which I mean that doing it on two adjacent days still felt like it was all one holiday, whereas I wanted a more defined separation.
And then I learned about Ostara.
Most of the things we think of as Easter symbols (eggs, flowers, bunnies, chicks) are actually from Ostara (even the name was snagged from "Oestre" which was a germanic goddess of springtime). Ostara is a celebration of rebirth and new life, so it does fit in spendedly with the themes of Resurrection, but they are not the same thing. One celebrates seasons and cycles, the other celebrates Christ's sacrifice for the eternal salvation of humankind. I don't want to mix them up.

So we separate the two separately.

On Ostara, we celebrate springtime and new life. We dye eggs, make egg/bird/bunny shaped sugar cookies, do spring cleaning, and have a big dinner with spring greens, eggs, poultry, or lamb. We may also get some seasonal candies to share with the family, but we don't have baskets or sneaky bunnies or any of that.


Then, on Easter, we celebrate Christ and the resurrection. No eggs or bunnies. We make a dinner of fish and honey because that's what Christ ate with the apostles, We also make resurrection rolls which are a family favorite.

A note about Ostara and Easter.  Easter's date is actually based on Ostara, because Easter (which is dated off Passover), always falls on the first Sunday after the first full moon after Equinox. This year, the full moon fell one day before Equinox, so the two holidays ended up being a full month apart. Last year they were only a day apart.

Book Review: The Dance of the Dissident Daughter

(cross-posted on my blog)

There is a great review of this book at With Your Mutual Approbation, so I won't repeat what she said, (you should just go read that review too!) but I will add some thoughts of my own as well as a few quotes.

The book has four sections, chronicling Kidd's journey "from christian tradition to the sacred feminine." The sections are Awakening, Initiation, Grounding, and Empowerment. The book is a little like a diary, or a documentary of her personal journey of discovery. She has excerpts from her journal, she talks about art she created, dreams she had, rituals she did, and her conversations and research during the time (it covers several years). She draws from MANY sources, some of which clicked for me more than others. Art, history, theologians, psychology, mythology, and feminism combine in her own personal melting pot of putting in all the pieces and creating a new self and a new view of the world.

I think the greatest point of this book is that it approaches the idea of the Divine Feminine from a Christian perspective. In other words, it does not discount Christianity, it merely broadens the view.

I feel like I have been or am doing some similar things (pulling from many sources to make a new paradigm), however my own feelings and conclusions aren't all the same as hers. I think she makes some good points though. In the first half or so of "Awakening" I thought wow, this could be me writing this; but then in the later part of that section, plus most of "Initiation," I felt like I really didn't relate. In those parts she was pushing back against the repression she felt in the patriarchal society, particularly the patriarchal church. The LDS church is pretty patriarchal in practice, but it is NOT so much in doctrine (ie, we already have a belief in  Heavenly Mother), so I don't feel nearly so repressed or disenfranchised as Kidd did. As the book got into the "Grounding" part I started relating again though, and really liked many of her conclusions.

Kidd's experiences combined feminism with spirituality, and while there is a lot of room for overlap, I feel that there is also lots of room for separation. So I took the intellectual stimulation and lapped it up as food for thought...but without feeling any obligation to agree with any particular part. I was intrigued by her interpretations and insights in some areas, and more or less apathetic about others. In the long run though, I found it difficult to put the book down, and would heartily recommend it to anyone (especially any woman, but really any one) who is open to thinking about things from a broader perspective.


Here are a few quotes or ideas from the book that I particularly liked:

"I often went to Catholic mass or Eucharist at the Episcopal church, nourished by the symbol and power of this profound feeding ritual. It never occurred to me how odd it was that women, who have presided over the domain of food and feeding for thousands of years, were historically and routinely barred from presiding over it in a spiritual context. And when the priest held out the host and said, "This is my body, given for you," not once did I recognize that it is women in the act of breastfeeding who most truly embody those words and who are also the most excluded from ritually saying them" (15).

An LDS acquaintance recently made the point that women literally shed their blood for others in menstruation, the marriage bed, and childbirth. (Those, along with lactation and menopause, are the five pagan "women's blood mysteries" and are considered sacred, which I think is appropriate. How wonderful would it be to raise daughters to think of their bleeding as sacred rather than as a curse?!)
In a later part of the book, Kidd mentions that the phrase "El Shaddai" (used in the Old Testament as a name for God) has usually been translated as "the almighty," but in fact 'shad' is also a Hebrew word for breast, and the 'ai' ending is feminine. So another reasonable interpretation is "the breasted one," or nurturing mother. And how many times in scripture does God speak of gathering us "as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wing"? Indeed, I must agree with Ms Kidd that the Old Testament is actually FULL of positive female references.

"The question then occurred to me: Well, [if] the Divine is ultimately formless and genderless, what's the big deal? Why all this bother?
"The bother is because we have no other way of speaking about the Absolute. We need forms and images. Without them we have no way of relating to the Divine. Symbol and image create a universal spiritual language. It's the language the soul understands. 
"And yet--and here's the crux--the images that have pervaded our speech, thought, and feeling about the Divine have told us the Divine is exclusively male. They have told us there is only one form and that form is masculine. Indeed, the image, language, and metaphor of God as male has been used so exclusively, for so long, that most people seem to believe that God is male. 
"How many times had I heard someone say "God is not male, He is spirit"?" (137-140).

The author is writing from a mainstream Christian perspective, and of course LDS theology does not quite align with this--we believe that God the Father IS male--but we also believe in the existence of God's wife, a Mother and Goddess, His partner and equal. And so, while I would word the issue differently, I still have to ask--if this is a true thing, why won't we talk about it?

I particularly liked a part where the author wrote about Matroyshka dolls (russian nesting dolls). She had a dream where a wisewoman archetype (who appeared in a lot of her dreams) gave her a doll, and showed her essentially the wisewoman (goddess) within herself. Later she learned that 'matroyshka' means 'mother' and she was struck by the idea of a mother within a mother within a mother. I was thinking about that, and how a woman's eggs are inside her when she is born. In other words, when a woman is pregnant with a daughter, it is not only her daughter but also her granddaughters who are within her. Just like the mother doll. And if you go back through enough mothers, we come all the way to Eve, and to Heavenly Mother. She talked about sitting in the "Great Lap" of Heavenly Mother, just as a child would sit in the lap of an earthly mother or grandmother.

Kidd concludes with some thoughts about why we benefit from having female authority as well as male, and it is because the two sexes simply do things differently. Men are naturally inclined to create hierarchical pyramids, whereas women are more likely to create weblike networks. Men compete, women build teams. It is not that one way is superior or inferior, it is that they both have their place, and neither should be pushed out by the other. As women, living in a predominately male-organized culture, we benefit from finding or creating female authority patterns in our lives, because we understand and relate to them better. Just as I felt a greater understanding of the atonement when I thought of being a mother sending my son to die (rather than the oft-repeated "God sent his Son"), so too we can grow closer to God the Father (as well as God the Mother) by acknowledging the presence--and differences--of each.

"I think women understand that 

we create change 

as we live out the experiences of our souls 

in the common acts of life" 

(222).

My Voice Moon

Last week I sang in church. (Actually I sang "Be Thou My Vision" since it's been on my mind all month.) I have a theater background, and I enjoy performing. When I sing in church though it's different, because it's not about me. When I am preparing a piece for church I do ask God to help me sing it well, but I also ask that I can be a conduit for the spirit--a mouth for the Lord's voice to come through to the congregation. When people tell me that I sang well I do appreciate it, but when they tell me that it was "a beautiful song" or that they felt the spirit, that's when I know that they weren't just listening to me. And that's the whole point.

waning crescent from my front yard

 The idea of being a conduit for God--opening my mouth but (hopefully) letting His voice come through is an intriguing one. The LDS church encourages this in the cases of priesthood blessings, missionary discussions, and gospel lessons, but have you ever paused to think what it would be like if you could channel God's voice (or at least His message) in informal settings too?
What if I spoke to my kids the way God would speak to them? What if I spoke to my spouse that way? What if I spoke to my friends, neighbors, and (perhaps most importantly) what if I spoke to myself that way?

In our stake conference a few months ago, one of the speakers shared a quote that has stuck with me. I have looked for the source so that I can quote it exactly and give a reference, but either I have the wording off or it's not available online, so I'll just restate it as best as I can. He said "Fathers, lower your tempers;  Mothers, lower your voices." I remember nodding along to the first half of the statement, and then feeling very chastised by the second half. Because, in my case, my voice is usually the outlet of my temper. I'm a very verbal person, and respond to most things in a vocal way.

So this month I am resolving to lower my own voice, and to try to let the Lord speak through me.

Merry New Moon!

~

Blessed Be.

Reclaiming my Womanhood (a ritual)

I recently had an experience where I felt that my womanhood had been lost--or at least lessened. The specifics aren't relevant, because I think a lot of women have experiences or situations where they feel that they are broken, or damaged, or suppressed in their womanhood. Perhaps infertility or a miscarriage; perhaps a traumatic birth experience or a cesarean-section or hysterectomy; perhaps some form of abuse, or mental illness, or physical disability...or maybe something else altogether. Whatever it is, I think most women have times when they feel that they are less of a woman than they wish to be.
When I had my experience, I was down for a couple of days before I realized that this one specific thing was the source of my grief. Once I identified it, I was able to talk with a couple of friends about it, and that helped at the time, but after the conversations ended I came back off the high and was grieving again. I realized that if I was going to feel like a whole woman again, I would need to take matters into my own hands.

So I did.

First I determined what it was that I felt my womanhood was missing, and then I tried to find a way to refill that hole. In my case, it related to my fertility and my potential for procreation. Since the womb is one of the things that makes a woman distinct and separate from a man, (and since many of our situations tend to be fertility/birth related), I think the womb is a reasonable point of focus for this ritual. Depending on your specific situation, you may choose another part of yourself.

I chose a time when most of my family was away from home so I could be alone.

I chose a song that resonated with me in the moment. It is on the angsty side, and unfortunately the title is a word that many find offensive, but the song felt appropriate to me in the moment so I went with it anyway. Perhaps you'll be able to think of something gentler...or perhaps not. But the song I pulled up on youtube to play during my ritual was Meredith Brooks' "Bi*ch" I chose it because it talks about many aspects of being a woman, and about being ok with all of them. The chorus says "I'm a little bit of everything all rolled into one. I'm a bi***. I'm a lover. I'm a child. I'm a mother. I'm a sinner. I'm a saint. I do not feel ashamed." Later lyrics also mention being a goddess and an angel. ☺

While the song played (on repeat), I sat in the sunshine, pulled up my shirt and rolled down my pants, and exposed my belly--my womb--to the light. I took deep breaths, drawing the clean air all the way deep into my uterus, and then exhaling all the negativity I had been feeling. I rubbed my belly, observing the roundness, sagging, and stretch marks that my pregnancies have left. After a little while of making peace with my body, I got out my henna and drew a goddess symbol below my navel, approximately over my uterus. (A pen or marker would have sufficed in the absence of henna.)
 

For those unfamiliar with the symbolism, the symbol for the Goddess shows the moon in its three phases (waxing, full, and waning) symbolizing the three stages of womanhood (maiden, mother, and wisewoman). It is a reminder that each aspect is as important as the others, and that all--especially all in combination--can define womanhood.

I continued to sit in the light while my henna set up. I made a mental list of the many womanly attributes that I maintain--in spite of the loss I had been feeling--and continued with my deep breathing until I felt better.

The henna will last a couple of weeks, so for that time I will have an ongoing physical reminder of my reclaimed womanhood.