Walking the Blended Path (no really, you can)

It's hard. At times it feels near impossible. The doubts, the questions, the loneliness... Come to think of it this sounds an awful lot like parenting outside the mainstream, or even in general. So shouldn't we be accustomed to this? Shouldn't this be an easy thing to slip into? Not quite. As Mormon women we are use to community within our faith. We are use to having like-minded people all around us, to having some place to turn (physically and otherwise), to having our beliefs and practices accepted and understood by the masses more or less and even spoken about on TV 4 days out of the year. But now? Now that we have added, shifted, become something else? Now what?

Photo credit.

I think the doubt is what plagues me the most. I look around me and I don't see very many people at all combining these beliefs and practices with their Mormondom. A handful, tops. And it worries me. "What if I'm all wrong? What if this is bad?" as if more people being involved would make it all the more legitimate. But it wouldn't, so why am I doing this to myself? Plain and simple- it's change. In change we grasp at anything to make it familiar. Community, as Mormons, would offer just that.

But this isn't a post about the need for community or a call to gather more fully together. Believe it or not this is a post about making it on one's own. Because at the end of the day who do we answer to but ourselves and God? We're the odd ducks, the "different", the "others". The key to walking the blended path is to embrace that. To own it. To love it. Not to say we shouldn't ever have community but just that we can't look to others to validate our ways.

But how can we manage this?

Dig deep. Get to know (and love) yourself. Enjoy your own company. Build confidence.

We are blessed in this day and age and from where we stand now, open to so much more, to have the tools necessary to do all of the above right within our reach. Meditate. Chant. Dance. Sing. Gaze into your own eyes infront of a mirror. All of these are simple rituals that could be made more elaborate if you wish or just treated as a 5 minute addition to your day but powerful rituals that bring you into yourself, that bring you home.

Something clicked in me a little bit ago that knocked me into self-acceptance. It has been a long time coming- lots of work to not working on it at all to even marinating in my own self-loathing for who I am. I fully admit I didn't come to this on my own. There are wonderful people in this world with a gift for helping you to reach down into your soul and pull yourself to your feet and one of those people is Francesca DeGrandis. I first heard about her when I saw her book Goddess Initiation at my local Waldon's bookstore. That was near 10 years ago (my goodness, I feel old!) and since then I have used the tools she had given me in both GI and Be A Goddess through many spiritual journeys. From being Wiccan to Dianic to a devout Mormon to a crisses of faith to where I stand now. I realized the other day why that is- because Francesca is all about the blended path. She doesn't say it outright, she doesn't offer a how-to on walking the blended path specifically, she merely challenges us and teaches us to be us. Live fully as who we are and that has stuck with me.

In her latest book Share My Insanity (which I highly recommend for anyone who is an "oddity") she opens with this:

"Just trust your own definition of innovative. Originality can be an inclusive—not exclusive—concept. For example, your uniqueness might express itself in the way you manage the family’s household budget, get the kids to school on time, and raise happy children. “Us plain folk” have plenty of our own special ways." 

(emphasis added by me)

My point is that though we have to learn to stand on our own this still does not happen in a vacuum. Open your eyes, ears, and heart to the experiences and advice of others. Take what you can use and leave the rest and make sure to be aware of what it is you can use, what does work for you. Trust yourself, your own understanding of things. Don't place that same trust in others because, in truth, they don't know what it is you need. But don't shun them, either. There is a balance that has to be struck but it's in that balance that the real magic happens- when the light goes on and we begin to grow into ourselves, fully.

All of this rambling to set out a personal "how-to" on walking the blended path. Or, more accurately, what I have found to work for me...

Know yourself.

Love yourself.

Respect yourself. 

Understand that you are alone yet joined by many in that. 

Be humble enough to learn from others.

Be confident enough to learn from yourself. 

Realize the paradoxes all around you and let them work with and within you. 

Embrace your "crazy".

These aren't my rules as much as they are things I remind myself of as often as possible. And it works wonders, if you can believe it.

Summer Solstice and the Celebration That Wasn't

x-posted on family blog.

This Solstice was spent the same way Beltane was- sick in bed. This is becoming a trend with me this year, coming down with something the day before the festivities are to take place.

But no matter. The cycle continues whether or not I speak the words or party with my kids. It still sucks, though, because Beltane and Summer Solstice are my two favorites...

I love sunflowers. My husband calls me his sunflower

because I love the sun as much as they do.

The Summer Solstice takes place on the longest day of the year, the zenith of the sun. It's at this time when the imagery of the light of God the Father is the most powerful as it is the most obvious to us. This day we set aside as a family to bask not only in the sun's light but in the Light of God the Father. 

We pray:

"Father, as the wheel turns year by year we are continually renewed by Your eternal vigor and passion. We honor Your wisdom and are blessed in Your teachings; through which we come to understand the cycle of Life and our part in it.” 

(adapted from Fiona Horne's Witch: A Magical Journey)

And we bask in the sun's warming rays.

<insert pictures of my children playing in the water under the sun here>

We eat the yummy fruits and veggies the sun helps provide for us.

my super awesome idea of yumminess that
will have to wait until next year, now...

We light colorful candles of yellow and blue and pink and green and we read the poetry of Valerie Worth:

King of seasons, tower of light, 

Tree of fire, crest of flight,

Eternal flower, crown of flame, 

Golden apex, summer's name,

Sun our ruler, sun our lover, 

Son our father, sun or brother

...

Lo, on the flames of spring have we aspired toward thee,

And on the wings of summer now we rise, 

On thy wings who are the father of all wings:

Thy winged sphere our kingdom,

Wither we ascend,

Where we shall find our immortality 

Beyond time and space:

The fires of they face and the fires of thy name

Shall be our own transfiguration and redemption. 

(snippets from page 134 and 135 of the book linked above)

We thank the sun and we thank the Father for the sun and the Son and for His wisdom and guidance.

And we prepare for the sun to begin his retreat and the dark to grow in it's strength...

Maggie's Intro

There are few things as awkward as the introduction post and I am in the royal court of awkward. Fair warning...

Hiya! I'm Maggie mother to 5 little girls (yes, all girls)- Lilith Luthien (7), Mable Mirkwood (5), Olive Onodrim (4), and twins Birdie Bree & Poppy Peregrin (nearing 2). If those names don't show our Earth loving crunchy ways I don't know what will. I married at 18 to my wonderful husband in 2003 and before the age of 24 we were blessed with our 5 little ladies. Life is good!

We are striving to live a whole and simple life here in the Southern California desert. Part of this is a deep reverence not only for the gospel but for our Mama Earth. We follow the seasons and find that the symbolism found in the cycles of the Earth and in life are matched with the symbolism within the gospel. We learn through such symbols and find wisdom through their repetition so this has become an important family practice for us.

I was raised LDS though fairly inactive. In my teens I became a very faithful member but that was short-lived as I found the inequality between men and women to be inexcusable. At the same time I left my mother to live with my aunt in Washington I discovered Goddess spirituality with my older cousin and became Wiccan. For the next 5 or 6 years this was my path. Towards the end of those years I dived into the Dianic tradition and really began to explore womanhood. I truly believe that this opened me up to accepting the gospel again through revering womanhood, motherhood and, of course, Heavenly Mother. It was at this time that my husband (a Pagan more than a Wiccan) decided to convert to Mormonism. I felt moved by the Spirit that night along with him and made the decision to come back to the church and the gospel. With this we packed up our altars and put away our herbs, candles, cauldrons, statues... All of it. It was very emotional especially when I threw out my Tarot cards. I kept my favorite card from each- the Lovers. I still have them tucked away.

We played the good Latter-Day Saints for a few years. Were sealed a couple of years after his baptism and welcomed 3 more little ones. But we felt that something was lacking. We knew what it was but we felt "wrong" for it. And then we had a shift in belief... Long story short we have abandoned religious literalism and have become unorthodox Mormons with a fierce independent streak. The cores of this is that we were finally able to separate the church from the gospel. They aren't one and the same. We haven't felt as devoted to the faith as we do now, funny enough.

My husband does not identify as a Pagan though he still feels very much connected to that Pagan/Earth loving spirit. We do observe the seasons as a family which he is fully committed to. I believe that neo-Paganism/the Craft is my practice where Mormonism is my belief. My husband feels Buddhism is his practice. It all fits together nicely for us as individuals and as a couple.

I have returned to the Tarot. As I said above I have a deep love for symbolism and the Tarot is no different. I use them for deep inflection. They are a big part of my spiritual practice as much as meditation, prayers and mantras.

I have discovered the beauty of liturgy and poetry as prayer. This has really opened me up on a spiritual level. I include both in my everyday practice as well as in special ritual. Again with the symbolism!

That about sums me up. I have taken the liberty of re-posting two blog posts from our family blog here on the same date they were posted on my blog to maintain the year's flow of this blog. One is on Christmas/Winter Solstice and the other on the Spring Equinox.

So excited to be here again!

Spring and New Beginnings

x-posted on our family blog. Edited to fit better here.

Photo credit.

Today is the Spring Equinox when the sun begins to regain it's strength in the Northern Hemisphere and the Earth awakens under it's rays with new growth and life.

Awake, thou wintry earth -

Fling off thy sadness!

Fair vernal flowers, laugh forth

Your ancient gladness!

~Thomas Blackburn, An Easter Hymn

In our family study using the symbolism within nature to learn of Christ we see this as the time Christ (the sun/son) is growing strong under his Father bringing us the light which is knowledge, truth, hope, and of course our salvation. It's now that we prepare to go into the Easter season where we will witness Christ's crucifixion but not in darkness or with despair. We do not rejoice in his death but rather that he died and was reborn. As the Earth is warmed and awakened by the sun so are we warmed and awakened by The Son and his teachings and sacrifice for us. We are reborn through him.  

Generally when we think of Spring we think of eggs and flowers and newborn baby animals; bright colors and pastels and all with good reason- Mama Earth is warming and life is springing from her. The theme for Spring even more so by nature itself than the theme of the man-made New Year is new beginnings and rebirth. As such it is the perfect time to start fresh, to be reborn in the year. This year Rob and I have made a resolution to live more righteously and fully. We are reborn in our commitment to a whole life. 

BLESSED EQUINOX AND SPRING TIME TO ALL!

Halfway Out of the Dark

x-posted on our family blog.

We are a Sci-Fi loving home and no Sci-Fi loving home is complete without Doctor Who. Tonight, Christmas night, my husband and I cuddled up on the couch to watch the Doctor Who Christmas Special which aired for the first time in the states on Christmas night instead of months into the next year. This episode, being the Christmas Special and all, came with a Christmas message. I could go into it all but that's not the point of this post. In the beginning of the episode the narrator, who most of us know as Dumbledore, sums up the reason behind the joyful Christmas/winter season- about this time of year we all get together and say "Well done, everyone, we're halfway out of the dark!"

My family celebrates both the Winter Solstice and, later, Christmas as Christ's birth* among other Christian and seasonal holidays (or holy days). Over the past few years I have pondered the meaning of this time of the year both from a Christian point of view and a Pagan point of view. I don't think it's any surprise that the symbolism found in both Christmas and the Winter Solstice observances are very similar; after all our Christian ancestors stole many Pagan holidays and made them their own. I do think that the underlying message of both is a universal one- hope.

The light is returning.

We are halfway out of the dark.

In times long gone, and maybe even not so far in the past, the winter was a hard time of the year to make it through. The cold was overbearing because the sun seemed to retreat and food was scarce because the earth lay barren. The light, the warmth, was needed in order to bring life in the form of plants and animals and that life was needed to sustain our lives.

No light of thine can raise our fallen sun,

And we are dead, because his light is gone.

Thy light as well must dim for want of breath,

Yet enter: share our darkness, and our death.

-Valerie Worth

In the winter in most parts of the world our ancestors sat waiting for the return of the sun, of the light, to save them from the barren cold and darkness. Return they knew it would.

The sun is living still! Nor did he die:

His strength is only hidden from this sky,

But where I watch, from Sirius' flame,

I see him burning evermore the same.

None die but thee, and only by thy will 

Can autumn wound and bitter winter kill.

I bring thee vision, fire, and this word:

That from his ashes, like a wakened bird,

Shall sun leap upward, bearing on his wings 

The hue of every earthly bird that sings. 

-Valerie Worth

Last night on Christmas Eve with our house smelling of the frankincense and myrrh burning in my cauldron by the Nativity, our family gathered in the living room, turned off all of the lights (except the Christmas tree's) and lit as many candles as we own in the room bringing light into the darkness. We then read Luke chapter 2 and emphasized Christ as the "light of the world". We related his birth, the coming of the light, to the rebirth of the sun on the Solstice just days earlier. He came to us just as the sun- as guide, as sustainer, as saviour.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,

'Til He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

-O Holy Night

Regardless of what we observe and celebrate this time of year our blood sings as the Earth sings: Well done, everyone, we're halfway out of the dark!

Blessed season to one and all and an added Merry Christmas to fellow followers of Christ!

*(yes, we are aware this is not the time of his actual birth)